Merry Christmas Eve
Growing up, Christmas was always magical. We always had lots of presents, including practical and fun things. My parents worked hard (they both had many jobs) to give us all the extras we had. We weren't a keeping up with the Jones's kind of family, though. My parents (and Santa) always gave us plenty, without going overboard. I had friends who had less than us, and friends that had more. My sister and I were very happy with all we had and saw at a young age that our friends who had more didn't appreciate it, so we were fine with it. My parents maximized the Christmas morning fun by wrapping each coloring book separately, wrapping socks, and adding an orange and candy to our giant stockings. We decorated the whole house, made cookies, listened to Christmas music, and watched Christmas movies. I think this is pretty much what everyone else does too.
This is the Christmas I thought I'd have as a mommy.
Then I married a man who felt strongly about not doing Santa with our kids. We talked about it early on, and I totally agreed with him. So, we raised Kara to know who St. Nick was, and to know people believe in Santa and it's not our responsibly to ruin the fun they are having.
Then Kara pretty much always has not been a person who likes much stuff. When she was little she would make a mess of all her stuff, but not actually play with much. She likes her stuffed animals, drawing on notebooks, and reading books. And of course she loves her computer. Other than that, she has never liked dolls, playing board games, Barbies, bikes, or really many other toys at all.
Both Michael and Kara don't enjoy decorating with me and could care less if it happens at all, really. All decorating, lugging boxes around, and cleaning is done by me and for me. They "feel" like it's Christmas with or without the decorations. Or music for that matter. Neither one of them enjoys Christmas music at all.
This is 2015 and Christmas cards are a dying art. While I love the idea of sending cards to everyone you know every year, there are so many things going on at Christmastime, I just don't know if this is a good time for it. Maybe Valentine's day would be better. Or Easter. Maybe I'll start that tradition....
In Maryland, we had so many commitments in December, there was no time to sit still! Company parties, stuff at church, making sure we made a whole day with each friend, etc. Zero time to think or even sleep enough!
While I am not a fan of my friends I watch go into serious debt buying ridiculous things they cannot afford just to compensate for their depression or other issues, I think it can be fun to budget for and have a moderate Christmas.
So. Why am I saying all of this?
I have struggled for maybe the last 5 Christmases with how to deal with this. At first I powered through and had the Christmas I wanted and envisioned. Michael is the kind of guy who goes with the flow and will support whatever I want. Emotionally. But he won't go to my friend's with me for Christmas, he won't lug Christmas decorations around for me or hang lights outside for me, and he won't do Christmas cards or bake or sing Christmas music. But if it's around, he isn't against it. So, I powered through and did it all. I spent all that time making sure I did everything on the list to make sure we had an "American Christmas." And I was exhausted. And I started dreading Christmas because of how much WORK it was. And year after year I spent money on dumb presents for people I love that didn't really need anything but custom dictated I buy them something. I spent weeks making those calendars on snapfish. Eventually I just couldn't wait for it to be all over and just be January already.
Then my family decided to stop buying each other presents. We can all afford to comfortably buy anything we want any time of the year, so instead of stressing about buying something they didn't need/want, we just get together and hang out.
Then the Days decided to stop buying all the kids a bunch of toys they would devour in 5 minutes and not know who they're from. Instead each cousin gets a name out of a hat and buys their cousin a present. Each kid gets something from another kid, teaching them the joy in giving at Christmas.
Then my friend Steve said, "Christmas only has to be as stressful as you let it be." So I stopped doing Christmas cards.
Then I decorated very minimally one year and my family was perfectly happy. Christmas morning went just as well and was quite nice, actually. This year we did the construction paper Christmas tree and Kara was THRILLED.
Then I stopped making Christmas breakfast and got Panera Bread bagels instead and everyone was elated.
Then I stopped buying friends presents. Instead we donate animals to third world countries.
Then I stopped buying Kara Christmas presents. I noticed one year it was early December and she still hadn't opened and played with one thing I'd bought her the year before. So I wrapped them and put them under the tree again! Nothing again. So I donated those toys and didn't buy her presents. Last year for Christmas she got some candy and we took a trip to Alabama as a family. Another year she got gerbils. This year she got a computer thing she was getting anyway - it just happened to be delivered around Christmas.
This is what I'm learning. Finally. After dreading Christmas and all the WORK associated with it. It's okay to do what works for you and your people. Just because it was tradition growing up, or because it's what everyone else is doing, doesn't mean you have to do it. I certainly don't judge them for doing what works for them, but I am feeling free to do what works for us.
Moving to a new state helps a lot - I feel free to start something new now that we're in a new place.
Here's the thing. What is this whole Christmas thing about anyway? Jesus's birth. Celebrating the amazing gift that He is to the world. I say, how about you do whatever you can through December (and maybe through the year) that reminds you of Him. If that's the American Christmas, then go for it. If it's donating animals to third world countries, more power to you.
"For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son that whoever should believe in Him will not perish, but have everlasting life." John 3:16
Amen.
This is the Christmas I thought I'd have as a mommy.
Then I married a man who felt strongly about not doing Santa with our kids. We talked about it early on, and I totally agreed with him. So, we raised Kara to know who St. Nick was, and to know people believe in Santa and it's not our responsibly to ruin the fun they are having.
Then Kara pretty much always has not been a person who likes much stuff. When she was little she would make a mess of all her stuff, but not actually play with much. She likes her stuffed animals, drawing on notebooks, and reading books. And of course she loves her computer. Other than that, she has never liked dolls, playing board games, Barbies, bikes, or really many other toys at all.
Both Michael and Kara don't enjoy decorating with me and could care less if it happens at all, really. All decorating, lugging boxes around, and cleaning is done by me and for me. They "feel" like it's Christmas with or without the decorations. Or music for that matter. Neither one of them enjoys Christmas music at all.
This is 2015 and Christmas cards are a dying art. While I love the idea of sending cards to everyone you know every year, there are so many things going on at Christmastime, I just don't know if this is a good time for it. Maybe Valentine's day would be better. Or Easter. Maybe I'll start that tradition....
In Maryland, we had so many commitments in December, there was no time to sit still! Company parties, stuff at church, making sure we made a whole day with each friend, etc. Zero time to think or even sleep enough!
While I am not a fan of my friends I watch go into serious debt buying ridiculous things they cannot afford just to compensate for their depression or other issues, I think it can be fun to budget for and have a moderate Christmas.
So. Why am I saying all of this?
I have struggled for maybe the last 5 Christmases with how to deal with this. At first I powered through and had the Christmas I wanted and envisioned. Michael is the kind of guy who goes with the flow and will support whatever I want. Emotionally. But he won't go to my friend's with me for Christmas, he won't lug Christmas decorations around for me or hang lights outside for me, and he won't do Christmas cards or bake or sing Christmas music. But if it's around, he isn't against it. So, I powered through and did it all. I spent all that time making sure I did everything on the list to make sure we had an "American Christmas." And I was exhausted. And I started dreading Christmas because of how much WORK it was. And year after year I spent money on dumb presents for people I love that didn't really need anything but custom dictated I buy them something. I spent weeks making those calendars on snapfish. Eventually I just couldn't wait for it to be all over and just be January already.
Then my family decided to stop buying each other presents. We can all afford to comfortably buy anything we want any time of the year, so instead of stressing about buying something they didn't need/want, we just get together and hang out.
Then the Days decided to stop buying all the kids a bunch of toys they would devour in 5 minutes and not know who they're from. Instead each cousin gets a name out of a hat and buys their cousin a present. Each kid gets something from another kid, teaching them the joy in giving at Christmas.
Then my friend Steve said, "Christmas only has to be as stressful as you let it be." So I stopped doing Christmas cards.
Then I decorated very minimally one year and my family was perfectly happy. Christmas morning went just as well and was quite nice, actually. This year we did the construction paper Christmas tree and Kara was THRILLED.
Then I stopped making Christmas breakfast and got Panera Bread bagels instead and everyone was elated.
Then I stopped buying friends presents. Instead we donate animals to third world countries.
Then I stopped buying Kara Christmas presents. I noticed one year it was early December and she still hadn't opened and played with one thing I'd bought her the year before. So I wrapped them and put them under the tree again! Nothing again. So I donated those toys and didn't buy her presents. Last year for Christmas she got some candy and we took a trip to Alabama as a family. Another year she got gerbils. This year she got a computer thing she was getting anyway - it just happened to be delivered around Christmas.
This is what I'm learning. Finally. After dreading Christmas and all the WORK associated with it. It's okay to do what works for you and your people. Just because it was tradition growing up, or because it's what everyone else is doing, doesn't mean you have to do it. I certainly don't judge them for doing what works for them, but I am feeling free to do what works for us.
Moving to a new state helps a lot - I feel free to start something new now that we're in a new place.
Here's the thing. What is this whole Christmas thing about anyway? Jesus's birth. Celebrating the amazing gift that He is to the world. I say, how about you do whatever you can through December (and maybe through the year) that reminds you of Him. If that's the American Christmas, then go for it. If it's donating animals to third world countries, more power to you.
"For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son that whoever should believe in Him will not perish, but have everlasting life." John 3:16
Amen.
Comments