Now What?
Over the last several months, I have prayed asking for God's will. Should we move? Seeking Him hard is an amazing thing. It's beautiful. And wonderful. After Michael and I felt like we understood what He wanted, I got to work and trusted His timing. Yes, I wondered out loud (and in writing) what His plan would be out of curiosity, but in my heart I trusted.
I spent time in Christian therapy, which I feel was God preparing me for this, and one of the many things I learned was to take things one step at a time. So many, many verses talk about not worrying about the future.
"Your word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path." Psalm 119:105
A lamp. Not a flood light. A lamp. It doesn't cast a whole lot of light forward, just enough. This is HUGE to me. I like a 10 year plan. A lamp doesn't cast enough light to see the 10 year plan. Hmmm.
"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Matthew 6:34
Well, that one is pretty straight forward. I don't have to wonder if worrying about tomorrow is a good idea.
"Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground outside your Father’s care. And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. So don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows." Matthew 10:29-31
God's got this. He cares about the minute details of your life, including the number of hairs on your head. He is not going to lead you, precious to Him that you are, down a path that is bad. Not only does He want good things for you, He's paying very close attention to every detail and has a hand in it. Being a detail oriented person, I appreciate this so much!
And the verses go on and on and on. There are plenty about anxiety too. I love those. All over the Bible we are told to trust God. He's got this.
So, what's an anxiety ridden control freak to do? How about let it go! I remember practicing this during therapy. Last summer we went overseas on a cruise. Yes, it was DIVINE. Yes, it was a blessing. Yes, it was a much needed marriage retreat. Yes, it was restful and glorious. But all the details are enough to bog me down. What if we miss our flight? What if we miss the boat? What if we lose all that money we paid because something didn't go right? Therapy taught me to plan smartly, then trust the rest. There were hiccups all along the way, and I only lost it once. I just had to focus on what I was doing in that moment. If I looked up and tried to look past where my lamp was lit, I couldn't see and I was afraid of the dark. So, in the moment, I focused on driving to the airport. In the moment as our flight was announced to be delayed several hours, I sipped a delicious coffee. In the moment as we were flying over the Atlantic Ocean, I sat next to the best looking man in the world and enjoyed a movie with him. In the moment as the cab driver said he would not take us to the hotel and we were stranded at the airport at 1am, I breathed the warm air in and thought it was a lovely night. As we sat and waited for the driver to take us to the ship, I looked out the window at the sunshine and trusted that the driver or traffic or whatever would work out just as the Lord planned and I didn't have to think about anything other than what is inside that little lit up place in the world where I was standing with my lamp.
As we bought land and started building a house, my dad reminded me, one step at a time. When you look too far forward, you'll lose it. And he is right! When I just do what needs to be done today, I am good. When I let it all in, in a rush, it overwhelms me and I lose my way in the dark.
So, I made it through selling the house we lived in for over 8 years.
I made it through packing that house.
I made it through the inspections. My sweet Jesus gave me mercy during those inspections.
I made it through the moving company.
I made it through the travel down here.
I made it through getting set up in Alabama (remember getting the drivers license and license plates and all that? What a mess!).
I made it through the first week in a new church (I had been in my old one for 20 years!).
I made it through 0% on my own. I focused on that little area of the world that was lit up by the lamp, I moved forward one step at a time, in God's timing. And He carried me 100% of the time. Any time I felt overwhelmed, I was trying to step past or look past the light, into the dark. That's not for me to see yet! I have to fight every fiber of my being to be like this! My brain is being rewired, and it's hard.
So, now what? We moved. I'm here. Now what?
Well, my answer seems to be to rest in Him for a while. I don't know how long, but we are settled here and working and schooling and resting. I'm studying the word hard and preparing myself for whatever He has next for me.
I don't need to know what is next. It's still in the dark for me.
And that's okay. Because I'm standing in the Light.
I spent time in Christian therapy, which I feel was God preparing me for this, and one of the many things I learned was to take things one step at a time. So many, many verses talk about not worrying about the future.
"Your word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path." Psalm 119:105
A lamp. Not a flood light. A lamp. It doesn't cast a whole lot of light forward, just enough. This is HUGE to me. I like a 10 year plan. A lamp doesn't cast enough light to see the 10 year plan. Hmmm.
"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Matthew 6:34
Well, that one is pretty straight forward. I don't have to wonder if worrying about tomorrow is a good idea.
"Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground outside your Father’s care. And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. So don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows." Matthew 10:29-31
God's got this. He cares about the minute details of your life, including the number of hairs on your head. He is not going to lead you, precious to Him that you are, down a path that is bad. Not only does He want good things for you, He's paying very close attention to every detail and has a hand in it. Being a detail oriented person, I appreciate this so much!
And the verses go on and on and on. There are plenty about anxiety too. I love those. All over the Bible we are told to trust God. He's got this.
So, what's an anxiety ridden control freak to do? How about let it go! I remember practicing this during therapy. Last summer we went overseas on a cruise. Yes, it was DIVINE. Yes, it was a blessing. Yes, it was a much needed marriage retreat. Yes, it was restful and glorious. But all the details are enough to bog me down. What if we miss our flight? What if we miss the boat? What if we lose all that money we paid because something didn't go right? Therapy taught me to plan smartly, then trust the rest. There were hiccups all along the way, and I only lost it once. I just had to focus on what I was doing in that moment. If I looked up and tried to look past where my lamp was lit, I couldn't see and I was afraid of the dark. So, in the moment, I focused on driving to the airport. In the moment as our flight was announced to be delayed several hours, I sipped a delicious coffee. In the moment as we were flying over the Atlantic Ocean, I sat next to the best looking man in the world and enjoyed a movie with him. In the moment as the cab driver said he would not take us to the hotel and we were stranded at the airport at 1am, I breathed the warm air in and thought it was a lovely night. As we sat and waited for the driver to take us to the ship, I looked out the window at the sunshine and trusted that the driver or traffic or whatever would work out just as the Lord planned and I didn't have to think about anything other than what is inside that little lit up place in the world where I was standing with my lamp.
As we bought land and started building a house, my dad reminded me, one step at a time. When you look too far forward, you'll lose it. And he is right! When I just do what needs to be done today, I am good. When I let it all in, in a rush, it overwhelms me and I lose my way in the dark.
So, I made it through selling the house we lived in for over 8 years.
I made it through packing that house.
I made it through the inspections. My sweet Jesus gave me mercy during those inspections.
I made it through the moving company.
I made it through the travel down here.
I made it through getting set up in Alabama (remember getting the drivers license and license plates and all that? What a mess!).
I made it through the first week in a new church (I had been in my old one for 20 years!).
I made it through 0% on my own. I focused on that little area of the world that was lit up by the lamp, I moved forward one step at a time, in God's timing. And He carried me 100% of the time. Any time I felt overwhelmed, I was trying to step past or look past the light, into the dark. That's not for me to see yet! I have to fight every fiber of my being to be like this! My brain is being rewired, and it's hard.
So, now what? We moved. I'm here. Now what?
Well, my answer seems to be to rest in Him for a while. I don't know how long, but we are settled here and working and schooling and resting. I'm studying the word hard and preparing myself for whatever He has next for me.
I don't need to know what is next. It's still in the dark for me.
And that's okay. Because I'm standing in the Light.
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