In His Image - Part 3
Okay, the other posts were an intro to this one. While trying to live my life the way God would want me to, with the gifts he gave me, I realize where I constantly mess up is moderation. I am definitely an all or nothing person, which is the opposite of moderation. Here's just a few examples:
* If the bathrooms need cleaning, I must spend 2 hours cleaning 3 bathrooms and they must be perfect when I'm done. If I'm not in the mood to do that, I won't clean the bathrooms at all. (Are you realizing why I rarely do them? lol.)
* If I walk past the sink, I can't leave a dish in it or let there be anything on the counters or water spots on the sink. Unless there's a HUGE mess and I wait to do it later because I can't just do a small amount of it.
* If I want to lose weight by dieting/eating healthier, I must count, record, and chart every calorie I consume and make huge plans for what I should be eating - which will be nothing my family usually eats - I just can't make it normal. If I can't do ALL of that, I won't do anything. AND I get super obsessive over the scale - I weigh myself like twice a day and if I don't lose anything I flip out. Talk about setting myself up for failure!
* If I want to lose weight by exercising, I must go straight to 6 days a week, 1 hour every day. That's just cardio, then I do lots of weight training. If I can't do ALL of that, I won't do anything.
* If a friend needs a dinner because she just had a baby, I must bring a huge meal, made from scratch, with bread, dessert, vegetables, and it has to take hours to prepare. If I'm not in the mood to do all of that, I won't do it at all.
While a desire to do things well is not a bad thing, being a perfectionist is. And I'm not so sure I want that for my daughter either. I want to teach her to have a good work ethic and to try her best, but if your best isn't perfect, that's totally cool. (By the way, that's how I was raised - this doesn't come from my parents.)
So, through prayer, I've been assigning myself small moderation jobs. (You may think I'm weird, but this is how I work - through lists, tasks, and needing to accomplish them.)
Moderation job #1: eat better. That's all. I have less cookies each day than I used to. Every once in a while when I really want more, I have more, but most days I don't. I'm not counting anything, or measuring anything, including weighing myself. I'm about ready for my next step, which is actually 2 in one - no eating past 8pm and switch snacks from chips to popcorn.
Moderation job #2: exercise with friends. I go on three powerwalks a week - about 45 minutes each (I don't really know because I'm not looking at the time.) and I don't know how far we walk. Twice a week with one friend and once a week with another. All I know is I look forward to time with my friend and I don't forget to throw on my tennis shoes before I leave the house.
Moderation job #3: clean the mudroom counter for Michael. This used to mean clean the whole mudroom, all the drawers, reorganize them, and clean every drawer with 409 or whatever. While I was in the mood for all of that, my moderation job was just to tidy up the countertop. It was hard to stop!
Moderation job #4: clean just the sinks and toilets in the bathrooms. Then stop. Wow, that was a really good one. I didn't dread it so much and my next project will be doing the tubs and showers and stopping.
Oh, and part of me liking me for who I am includes liking myself as a size SIXTEEN. Yes, it's not anywhere near the size ladies are on tv. It's not what they look like. (Ironically, it's what their husbands look like. Have you noticed how thin and perfect ladies are on tv, but all their husbands are fat? Interesting....) But, I'm in great health - great blood pressure, etc. - and I can do anything a skinny person can - shop, walk, swim, play with my daughter, etc. There's no reason to lose weight except to look thinner. My 'natural' weight is a size 16 and anything else is an uphill battle. I've lost enough weight to be a size 12 a few years ago, but maintaining that means I have to be psycho about what I allow myself to eat and I have to work out A TON. So, moderately cutting back means little to no results. And I don't care. Moderately cutting back will be for my health, not my size.
* If the bathrooms need cleaning, I must spend 2 hours cleaning 3 bathrooms and they must be perfect when I'm done. If I'm not in the mood to do that, I won't clean the bathrooms at all. (Are you realizing why I rarely do them? lol.)
* If I walk past the sink, I can't leave a dish in it or let there be anything on the counters or water spots on the sink. Unless there's a HUGE mess and I wait to do it later because I can't just do a small amount of it.
* If I want to lose weight by dieting/eating healthier, I must count, record, and chart every calorie I consume and make huge plans for what I should be eating - which will be nothing my family usually eats - I just can't make it normal. If I can't do ALL of that, I won't do anything. AND I get super obsessive over the scale - I weigh myself like twice a day and if I don't lose anything I flip out. Talk about setting myself up for failure!
* If I want to lose weight by exercising, I must go straight to 6 days a week, 1 hour every day. That's just cardio, then I do lots of weight training. If I can't do ALL of that, I won't do anything.
* If a friend needs a dinner because she just had a baby, I must bring a huge meal, made from scratch, with bread, dessert, vegetables, and it has to take hours to prepare. If I'm not in the mood to do all of that, I won't do it at all.
While a desire to do things well is not a bad thing, being a perfectionist is. And I'm not so sure I want that for my daughter either. I want to teach her to have a good work ethic and to try her best, but if your best isn't perfect, that's totally cool. (By the way, that's how I was raised - this doesn't come from my parents.)
So, through prayer, I've been assigning myself small moderation jobs. (You may think I'm weird, but this is how I work - through lists, tasks, and needing to accomplish them.)
Moderation job #1: eat better. That's all. I have less cookies each day than I used to. Every once in a while when I really want more, I have more, but most days I don't. I'm not counting anything, or measuring anything, including weighing myself. I'm about ready for my next step, which is actually 2 in one - no eating past 8pm and switch snacks from chips to popcorn.
Moderation job #2: exercise with friends. I go on three powerwalks a week - about 45 minutes each (I don't really know because I'm not looking at the time.) and I don't know how far we walk. Twice a week with one friend and once a week with another. All I know is I look forward to time with my friend and I don't forget to throw on my tennis shoes before I leave the house.
Moderation job #3: clean the mudroom counter for Michael. This used to mean clean the whole mudroom, all the drawers, reorganize them, and clean every drawer with 409 or whatever. While I was in the mood for all of that, my moderation job was just to tidy up the countertop. It was hard to stop!
Moderation job #4: clean just the sinks and toilets in the bathrooms. Then stop. Wow, that was a really good one. I didn't dread it so much and my next project will be doing the tubs and showers and stopping.
Oh, and part of me liking me for who I am includes liking myself as a size SIXTEEN. Yes, it's not anywhere near the size ladies are on tv. It's not what they look like. (Ironically, it's what their husbands look like. Have you noticed how thin and perfect ladies are on tv, but all their husbands are fat? Interesting....) But, I'm in great health - great blood pressure, etc. - and I can do anything a skinny person can - shop, walk, swim, play with my daughter, etc. There's no reason to lose weight except to look thinner. My 'natural' weight is a size 16 and anything else is an uphill battle. I've lost enough weight to be a size 12 a few years ago, but maintaining that means I have to be psycho about what I allow myself to eat and I have to work out A TON. So, moderately cutting back means little to no results. And I don't care. Moderately cutting back will be for my health, not my size.
Comments