Kara's casting - week 2 - how I'm feeling
We went back to the physical therapist to have Kara's first set of casts removed. I was just as nervous as the first week they put casts on. They were super cool about what removing the casts would be like and Kara giggled the whole time because the vibrations of the saw tickled. :-)
Everyone in the building marvels at what a great attitude Kara has. How cool she is with her casts, how amazing she is with the P.T. How she can giggle and be adorable while she combines that with being super obedient and staying still for an entire hour at a time.
Friends of the family are amazed at what a laid back attitude she has when most kids, most people, would be discouraged.
Inside I'm feeling so proud of her. So proud to see the way she handles the biggest challenge in her life so far.
I'm feeling inadequate because I'm not sure I would have handled it so well - whether it happened now at 34 or when I was her age - 8.
I'm feeling very, very afraid that this won't fix her muscles and we might need surgery anyway.
I'm feeling anxious we might need to do this every year until she stops growing.
I'm feeling concern about not being able to find a physical therapist as great as this in Alabama.
I'm feeling worry as I see that saw get close to Kara's skin even though they assured all of us that it can't hurt her. That's my baby and it's my JOB to protect her.
I'm feeling unhappy when we see the giant bruises on the tops of her ankles. Apparently she (without even knowing she was doing it) has been pushing her toes down, which pushed her ankles up, which bruised them against the casts.
I'm feeling anxious that the physical therapists exchange looks about how these bruises are bad and the fact that Kara can't really feel them is bad.
I'm feeling elated when we see the HUGE progress the casting made.
I'm feeling surprise as she sits with her feet almost at 90 degrees.
I'm feeling happy as she walks flat footed.
I'm feeling concern as she looks super unsteady.
I'm feeling wonder as those physical therapists know everything about everything.
I'm feeling grateful for God bringing us to those therapists, for insurance paying for everything, and for God sending us to homeschool years ago. We are in our homeschool groove, now that we're a few years in, and it is such a blessing to have flexibility while we cast.
I'm feeling lost in a world of casting.
I'm feeling sad that my poor girl has to go through this.
I'm feeling grateful for the time at home that I have been craving for a few YEARS.
I'm feeling at peace since I have time to clean my own house, do several Bible studies at once, AND read a book.
I'm feeling God is in control.
And I KNOW God is in control.
This is hard on me. This is hard on Kara. But we are making the best of it. It can always be worse. I thought the future was going to be free and clear - that we were going to FIX Kara and we would be done. Now I'm realizing this could be an ongoing thing for a long time.
In the end, God is in control. He has His healing hands over Kara. He is doing amazing things with Kara's casting. He is giving those doctors amazing brains and fabulous personalities to make this go as smoothly as possible. He is at the other end of this, holding Kara's hand, as she's standing flat, walking flat, and healed. All we have to do is trust that.
Everyone in the building marvels at what a great attitude Kara has. How cool she is with her casts, how amazing she is with the P.T. How she can giggle and be adorable while she combines that with being super obedient and staying still for an entire hour at a time.
Friends of the family are amazed at what a laid back attitude she has when most kids, most people, would be discouraged.
Inside I'm feeling so proud of her. So proud to see the way she handles the biggest challenge in her life so far.
I'm feeling inadequate because I'm not sure I would have handled it so well - whether it happened now at 34 or when I was her age - 8.
I'm feeling very, very afraid that this won't fix her muscles and we might need surgery anyway.
I'm feeling anxious we might need to do this every year until she stops growing.
I'm feeling concern about not being able to find a physical therapist as great as this in Alabama.
I'm feeling worry as I see that saw get close to Kara's skin even though they assured all of us that it can't hurt her. That's my baby and it's my JOB to protect her.
I'm feeling unhappy when we see the giant bruises on the tops of her ankles. Apparently she (without even knowing she was doing it) has been pushing her toes down, which pushed her ankles up, which bruised them against the casts.
I'm feeling anxious that the physical therapists exchange looks about how these bruises are bad and the fact that Kara can't really feel them is bad.
I'm feeling elated when we see the HUGE progress the casting made.
I'm feeling surprise as she sits with her feet almost at 90 degrees.
I'm feeling happy as she walks flat footed.
I'm feeling concern as she looks super unsteady.
I'm feeling wonder as those physical therapists know everything about everything.
I'm feeling grateful for God bringing us to those therapists, for insurance paying for everything, and for God sending us to homeschool years ago. We are in our homeschool groove, now that we're a few years in, and it is such a blessing to have flexibility while we cast.
I'm feeling lost in a world of casting.
I'm feeling sad that my poor girl has to go through this.
I'm feeling grateful for the time at home that I have been craving for a few YEARS.
I'm feeling at peace since I have time to clean my own house, do several Bible studies at once, AND read a book.
I'm feeling God is in control.
And I KNOW God is in control.
This is hard on me. This is hard on Kara. But we are making the best of it. It can always be worse. I thought the future was going to be free and clear - that we were going to FIX Kara and we would be done. Now I'm realizing this could be an ongoing thing for a long time.
In the end, God is in control. He has His healing hands over Kara. He is doing amazing things with Kara's casting. He is giving those doctors amazing brains and fabulous personalities to make this go as smoothly as possible. He is at the other end of this, holding Kara's hand, as she's standing flat, walking flat, and healed. All we have to do is trust that.
Comments
Liz, I know you are right. That's what my whole last paragraph was about. It does make me feel much better to know that God is in control and he is with us every step of the way - past, present, future. I still have these feelings on casting day though. I still don't like seeing her hurting. I still am bummed thinking she may have to do this more than just this one time in her life. These feelings aren't all consuming because I have trust in the Lord, but they're still there since I'm a normal mom.