Mothers and Daughters
I started watching Gilmore Girls on netflix over the last several weeks. I never saw it the first time around, so I get to watch it all at once now. Which I love, don't you? Immersion. It's like reading a book. But I digress.
The show is filled to the brim with mother-daughter relationships.
There's the main characters: Lorelai and Rory - they say they are best friends first and mother-daughter second. (Lorelai had Rory when she was 16 and they kind of grew up together.)
There's Lorelai and her mother, Emily - wealthy mom/parents, pushing formality on their daughter, insisting she follow the path they want for her and be the person they want her to be. She got pregnant at 16 and ran away from home. We see them now as Lorelai is 32.
There's Rory's friend Lane and her mother - they are Korean and Christian and Lane's mom is insanely strict, which makes Lane hide who she really is - a normal teenage girl who loves music and wishes she could date and have sleepovers.
There's Rory's friend Paris and her mother - wealthy parents who are never around and Paris has to connect with the maid. Paris is a super overachiever and always angry - to get attention. Which she never gets.
I can't remember if that is all, but it's a lot! I have honestly been studying the show as these teenagers deal with their moms (Lorelai is kind of stuck at 16 with her mom since that's when she left).
I have a good relationship with my mom and want that for Kara. I'm not sure how to do that. My mom was strictly "mom" growing up. She was the mom, I was the kid. She was sweet to me, took care of me, loved me, disciplined me, etc. Authority, love, etc. Somehow when I became a teenager, I started wanting to shop and hang out at the mall. And I wanted to with her. So with that in common, we started hanging out on Saturdays at the mall. While she was still "authority," on Saturdays she started being "friend" too. We would go to stores, I would try everything on that I liked (in those days, every single thing looked good *sigh*), I would put most of it back, and we did that all day. All while we talked and talked. We had a tradition of having Boardwalk fries for lunch. Yep, just fries. As a meal. Ah, to be 16 again. We did this for like 8 hours at a time. (We laugh now - 8 hours? Were we kidding? We couldn't hang more than 2 hours now!)
As the years went on we turned into friends and not authority anymore. It felt natural and easy. Now she is my very best friend.
How do you do that?
As I watch Gilmore Girls and see all the different variations of ways to be a mom, I don't want any of those. I am supposed to want what Lorelai and Rory have, but I don't think we should be best friends first and mother-daughter second. At least not until she's moved out and married. I'm not sure what I'll think when Kara is 16....
I'm certainly learning what not to do. Every single lesson comes down to letting your daughter be who she is, all the while keeping the perfect balance of discipline, love, and open communication.
I want to do that so badly! This is why I listen to all the boring Minecraft stuff she wants to share. This is why I don't make her play softball. This is why I let her write code on her computer so much. This is why I don't make her wear dresses and put pretty bows in her hair anymore. This is why I let her pick her own hideous colors for her braces. This is why I don't make her learn to ride a bike. This is why I don't make her cook and bake with me.
It sure would be fun to have a little one who wanted to do everything I wanted, but it's more interesting to see who she is becoming on her own. And now I'm seeing, yet again, another correlation to God's relationship with me. Every time she does stuff I like, hangs out with me because she wants to, and shares something with me, I'm thrilled. And I fully believe that's how God feels about me.
The show is filled to the brim with mother-daughter relationships.
There's the main characters: Lorelai and Rory - they say they are best friends first and mother-daughter second. (Lorelai had Rory when she was 16 and they kind of grew up together.)
There's Lorelai and her mother, Emily - wealthy mom/parents, pushing formality on their daughter, insisting she follow the path they want for her and be the person they want her to be. She got pregnant at 16 and ran away from home. We see them now as Lorelai is 32.
There's Rory's friend Lane and her mother - they are Korean and Christian and Lane's mom is insanely strict, which makes Lane hide who she really is - a normal teenage girl who loves music and wishes she could date and have sleepovers.
There's Rory's friend Paris and her mother - wealthy parents who are never around and Paris has to connect with the maid. Paris is a super overachiever and always angry - to get attention. Which she never gets.
I can't remember if that is all, but it's a lot! I have honestly been studying the show as these teenagers deal with their moms (Lorelai is kind of stuck at 16 with her mom since that's when she left).
I have a good relationship with my mom and want that for Kara. I'm not sure how to do that. My mom was strictly "mom" growing up. She was the mom, I was the kid. She was sweet to me, took care of me, loved me, disciplined me, etc. Authority, love, etc. Somehow when I became a teenager, I started wanting to shop and hang out at the mall. And I wanted to with her. So with that in common, we started hanging out on Saturdays at the mall. While she was still "authority," on Saturdays she started being "friend" too. We would go to stores, I would try everything on that I liked (in those days, every single thing looked good *sigh*), I would put most of it back, and we did that all day. All while we talked and talked. We had a tradition of having Boardwalk fries for lunch. Yep, just fries. As a meal. Ah, to be 16 again. We did this for like 8 hours at a time. (We laugh now - 8 hours? Were we kidding? We couldn't hang more than 2 hours now!)
As the years went on we turned into friends and not authority anymore. It felt natural and easy. Now she is my very best friend.
How do you do that?
As I watch Gilmore Girls and see all the different variations of ways to be a mom, I don't want any of those. I am supposed to want what Lorelai and Rory have, but I don't think we should be best friends first and mother-daughter second. At least not until she's moved out and married. I'm not sure what I'll think when Kara is 16....
I'm certainly learning what not to do. Every single lesson comes down to letting your daughter be who she is, all the while keeping the perfect balance of discipline, love, and open communication.
I want to do that so badly! This is why I listen to all the boring Minecraft stuff she wants to share. This is why I don't make her play softball. This is why I let her write code on her computer so much. This is why I don't make her wear dresses and put pretty bows in her hair anymore. This is why I let her pick her own hideous colors for her braces. This is why I don't make her learn to ride a bike. This is why I don't make her cook and bake with me.
It sure would be fun to have a little one who wanted to do everything I wanted, but it's more interesting to see who she is becoming on her own. And now I'm seeing, yet again, another correlation to God's relationship with me. Every time she does stuff I like, hangs out with me because she wants to, and shares something with me, I'm thrilled. And I fully believe that's how God feels about me.
Comments