crime and punishment
I am dying to get the opinions of my Facebook friends, but I can't embarrass Kara like that. Sunday she told a stupid lie. Lying has been an issue in the past, and I firmly believe it's a huge deal and a battle I need to fight. And fight hard. Last time, she lied about something she was doing wrong, so I punished her HARD. A week with no computer or tablet. It was torture. This time, she lied about something that wasn't even wrong. I told her I would punish her for lying only, so it wasn't as severe as last time. Then, just a few hours later, she lied AGAIN! About something else that wasn't a big deal either - she wouldn't have gotten in trouble if she just told the truth.
So, here we are, she has 10 days of no computer and no tablet. I also believe every punishment should be as direct of a consequence as possible, so there are some privacy rights (on the computer) she doesn't get anymore until I feel like I can trust her again. She has to earn it back. After crying herself to sleep, she is totally embarrassed and needs to not talk about it any more. This is my journal, my place where I record memories, and this is part of that. So, I'm recording it. My mom says lying is totally normal for kids (and agrees with me she needs tough punishment), but this lying thing is so out of character for her.
I remember lying to my parents once as a young teenager and they punished me HARD and I never lied to them again! I even came home and told them immediately when my friends and I tried drinking in her basement when I was 16. (Btw, it was gross.)
Michael, on the other hand, said he lied most of his childhood. I asked what his parents did to break him of it, and he said he rarely got caught! So, I asked how old he was when he grew out of it, to which he didn't answer. Which means OLD! Like college! Great.
To my sweet few friends who do read this, what ideas do you have for breaking your kids of lying? I am so out of practice for punishing Kara because she rarely does anything besides forget her chores or something. Any parents of older kids who have totally broken their kids of lying? Taking away what she loves most, her favorite entertainment, is the only thing I can think of. Do I give away her gerbils? Do I assign her giant amounts of chores?
So, here we are, she has 10 days of no computer and no tablet. I also believe every punishment should be as direct of a consequence as possible, so there are some privacy rights (on the computer) she doesn't get anymore until I feel like I can trust her again. She has to earn it back. After crying herself to sleep, she is totally embarrassed and needs to not talk about it any more. This is my journal, my place where I record memories, and this is part of that. So, I'm recording it. My mom says lying is totally normal for kids (and agrees with me she needs tough punishment), but this lying thing is so out of character for her.
I remember lying to my parents once as a young teenager and they punished me HARD and I never lied to them again! I even came home and told them immediately when my friends and I tried drinking in her basement when I was 16. (Btw, it was gross.)
Michael, on the other hand, said he lied most of his childhood. I asked what his parents did to break him of it, and he said he rarely got caught! So, I asked how old he was when he grew out of it, to which he didn't answer. Which means OLD! Like college! Great.
To my sweet few friends who do read this, what ideas do you have for breaking your kids of lying? I am so out of practice for punishing Kara because she rarely does anything besides forget her chores or something. Any parents of older kids who have totally broken their kids of lying? Taking away what she loves most, her favorite entertainment, is the only thing I can think of. Do I give away her gerbils? Do I assign her giant amounts of chores?
Comments
My parent's logic, which is the same as mine, is the same as yours. They punished me crazy hard for lying, but way less if I told the truth. I needed to be able to tell them anything. And that's the way it needs to be for Kara. It also encourages the ease of asking for forgiveness. It was good practice as a kid for me to be open with my parents and work with punishment, which turned into my relationship with the Lord feeling like I can always go to Him, no matter what I've done.
I also told her lying is a sin. I told her if she stops lying as a child, it won't be such a difficult thing to kick as an adult.
And the first thing she lied about months ago was a chat room. It turns out it was perfectly safe, but easily could have been extremely dangerous. That requires serious punishment. Especially in that case, lying and sneaking is very bad.
Now for a couple of my kids good ones: Alex when he was six and in first grade cut a little girls hair and shirt with scissors!!! AAHH!!! The teacher called me that day to tell me what happened. I guess she didn't tell HIM she was calling. When he got home, I said, did you get in trouble today? no. You didn't? no Did you use scissors at craft time today? yes. What did you cut? paper. Really? Because Mrs. Logan called me today. Oh. LOL
Now....Kayla, when she was about 5 or so, had been told repeatedly to put her bowl in the kitchen or someone was going to step in it. I went to the bathroom and when I came out, I could tell that the bowl had been spilled. I asked her about it and she said she didn't do it. So being smart....I felt her socks. They were dry. BECAUSE she thought SHE was going to be smart and run upstairs to change her socks before I came out. She succeeded, BUT she chose two white socks that didn't match! So she still got caught!!!!! ROFL
I totally agree, the punishment needs to fit the crime, and I really think it should be as close to consequences as possible. Michael and I agree taking away her entertainment and making her earn our trust again fits the crime. No pet giveaways.
I LOVE letting them stew in their own guilt. That is perfect - and teaches them to ask forgiveness and repent. Good practice.