One of those days
I had a pretty good day today. I am getting over a cold, which means I'm feeling pretty good, just blowing my nose a lot. I didn't let my 5 pimple cluster right where I need to blow my nose get me down before the day had even started. Even though I'm hideous. And it hurts. A lot. Anyway, I went to count the tithe at church today, then stayed after to work on some new stuff. Even though I had lunch, I was pretty hungry by 2. Stomach growling hungry. By 4, I was famished and had a headache, so I headed home around 4:15. I picked Kara up from my mom's house, then came home to cook. (Why can't I have a wife who will cook for me when I work all day?) I'm feeling tired because I can never fall asleep on Sunday nights - why is that? I don't sleep in on weekends....but, I digress.
I realize I need to check the laundry. I open the dryer to find everything coated in little red balls. I realize the deliciously soft red blanket I washed probably should have been washed alone. So, I take the red blanket out, clean out the dryer, get one shirt wet, put it in the dryer and start it over again, hoping the dryer will suck those puppies right off the clothes for me.
In the mean time, I shook and shook the clothes hoping I could get the clothes that were COVERED at least a little cleaner. Nope, just got red balls all over me. So, I turned and washed them again in my washer with some other clothes. I'm hoping they don't transfer to those clothes. Then my laundry detergent runs out, so I grab a new bottle. After I pour a bunch in, I notice it's the wrong kind for my washer. I turn the laundry room light off and go upstairs. I'm done. The laundry is on it's own. I'll check on it Friday.
Meanwhile, my brand new baby grass is looking so sad and dead since it hasn't rained much here lately. It rained every day on our vacation in the great smoky mountains, but not here on my baby grass. So, I head out to water it (dealing with the hose or any kind of gardening is something I try to never do - it's gross and there's bugs). So, I look around since it's dusk, trying to find the spiders. I don't see any, even though there are webs. That's okay, I'd prefer they hide anyway. Maybe my red balled-coated outfit will be like a disguise. I drip water ALL OVER MYSELF as I gracefully drag the hose to the baby grass. Because I turned the hose on first. I don't want to go back to the spicket a second time in case the hiding spiders ambush me.
I stand over my lawn, in my pjs with red lint all over them, watering my grass in the summer evening, feeling all American and wishing I'd thought to grab the nosel so I didn't have to use my thumb to make the spray bigger, which is further soaking me, by the way. My suburban neighbors might call the home owner's association on me.
Finally my poor baby grass is fully soaked (I hope I didn't kill it - it's really wet out there) and it's time to put the hose away. I hose all around where it goes so those spiders know I'm coming and to stay hidden just 5 more minutes please. I turn off the water and as I start cranking the handle to put the hose away, I look up to see a spider as big as my palm. It was a good 15 feet away, but it could drop on my head any minute, so you know, it's like really close. I crank-crank-crank-STOP and eye that spider. Then crank-crank-crank-STOP again. I keep doing this dance until I finally come inside. That spider was just spinning it's sweet web wondering what was wrong with that crazy lady.
Now I'm soaking wet, covered in red lint, feeling my hair for spiders (I know one snuck in there - that giant black one freaks me out) and not changing my clothes for spite.
Good night.
UPDATE: I changed my shirt. And now it is mocking me from where I put it to drip dry.
I realize I need to check the laundry. I open the dryer to find everything coated in little red balls. I realize the deliciously soft red blanket I washed probably should have been washed alone. So, I take the red blanket out, clean out the dryer, get one shirt wet, put it in the dryer and start it over again, hoping the dryer will suck those puppies right off the clothes for me.
In the mean time, I shook and shook the clothes hoping I could get the clothes that were COVERED at least a little cleaner. Nope, just got red balls all over me. So, I turned and washed them again in my washer with some other clothes. I'm hoping they don't transfer to those clothes. Then my laundry detergent runs out, so I grab a new bottle. After I pour a bunch in, I notice it's the wrong kind for my washer. I turn the laundry room light off and go upstairs. I'm done. The laundry is on it's own. I'll check on it Friday.
Meanwhile, my brand new baby grass is looking so sad and dead since it hasn't rained much here lately. It rained every day on our vacation in the great smoky mountains, but not here on my baby grass. So, I head out to water it (dealing with the hose or any kind of gardening is something I try to never do - it's gross and there's bugs). So, I look around since it's dusk, trying to find the spiders. I don't see any, even though there are webs. That's okay, I'd prefer they hide anyway. Maybe my red balled-coated outfit will be like a disguise. I drip water ALL OVER MYSELF as I gracefully drag the hose to the baby grass. Because I turned the hose on first. I don't want to go back to the spicket a second time in case the hiding spiders ambush me.
I stand over my lawn, in my pjs with red lint all over them, watering my grass in the summer evening, feeling all American and wishing I'd thought to grab the nosel so I didn't have to use my thumb to make the spray bigger, which is further soaking me, by the way. My suburban neighbors might call the home owner's association on me.
Finally my poor baby grass is fully soaked (I hope I didn't kill it - it's really wet out there) and it's time to put the hose away. I hose all around where it goes so those spiders know I'm coming and to stay hidden just 5 more minutes please. I turn off the water and as I start cranking the handle to put the hose away, I look up to see a spider as big as my palm. It was a good 15 feet away, but it could drop on my head any minute, so you know, it's like really close. I crank-crank-crank-STOP and eye that spider. Then crank-crank-crank-STOP again. I keep doing this dance until I finally come inside. That spider was just spinning it's sweet web wondering what was wrong with that crazy lady.
Now I'm soaking wet, covered in red lint, feeling my hair for spiders (I know one snuck in there - that giant black one freaks me out) and not changing my clothes for spite.
Good night.
UPDATE: I changed my shirt. And now it is mocking me from where I put it to drip dry.
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