Conviction

In my Christian walk, I have been convicted many times.  Each time, God makes it clear to me that this is something He is gently working on with me, and not something I need to rant and rave about to my friends to change them also.  I'm the only one that needs changing and this certain thing is wrong for me, but not necessarily wrong for someone else (it's my own stumbling block).  Some examples of things I've been convicted of changing in my life are:  certain books, certain tv shows, gossip, male-bashing.  (Well, maybe some more people can use less gossip in their lives....)

My most recent conviction is Christmas.  Please understand I was not told to change the way the country celebrates Christmas, God asked me to examine my own heart.

Christmas cards:  Cards are not my "thing."  I am not good at doing them, they are not fun for me, therefore, feeling obligated to send everyone in my address book made me feel secretly resentful.

Christmas decorating:  I used to get angry that I had to do everything by myself and that we don't have picture perfect house decorating days like the people in the magazines do.  But then I realized that the two other people in my house don't really care, which is a great thing because I get to decorate as much or as little as I want, which is pretty fun for this control freak.  Each year I do something a little different.

Baking:  It's no secret that I love baking.  But being obligated to bake just because it is Christmas can stress me out.

Presents:  oh, the presents.  I can't think of anything that anyone I know needs - including Kara.  We are ALL blessed to have all we need in life.  We are super duper blessed to also have ALL we want in life.  And each year as I killed myself trying to find the perfect gift for friends, family, and Kara when it wasn't right because there was no right answer because they don't need anything was so annoying.  And each year the absurdity of a room full of gifts felt more and more gross.  Literally, Kara still hasn't opened or played with things she got last year - and they were things she specifically asked for, so I know she'd like them.  SHE was the one who said last year, "I got too many presents."

Again, some people love Christmas cards, some people decorate as a family and have a blast, some people are not fortunate enough to shop all year and look forward to Christmas so they can get much needed pajamas or broken appliances that needed to be replaced, or whatever.

The longer we celebrated "American Christmas" vs "Christian Christmas," the more sick I felt.  My heart was not behind the traditions.  And the funny thing is, Michael and Kara don't really like those traditions either!  Who am I killing myself for?  Why am I starting to dread and hate December and Christmas?

So, this is the year.  This year we aren't doing cards, we're only putting out half of our decorations, I'm only baking if I want to, and we're not doing presents.  Whoa.  This is huge.  How are my friends going to deal with my having nothing for them this year?  Is this really okay?  If I have money, shouldn't I help someone?  So, this is what God led me to.  I shopped the Samaritan's Purse catalog and bought chicks, livestock, dairy animals, fish, etc for the needy in third world countries.  Kara and I picked something for each friend of mine from the catalog and we made a card explaining what we bought for them.

Kara and I talked about how these people were truly needy and benefited the most from our money this Christmas.  Then we prayed over each animal and the families they were going to.  She also hand made cards for her friends.

We only have one friend who wasn't a fan of this, so we shopped our stockpile for toys for their kids.

I'm a little nervous because my whole family is going to do Christmas this new way.  I felt convicted and told them I wasn't buying them anything.  They all thought that was a good idea and jumped on board.  What will Christmas morning be like?  No one will get any presents, except Kara will have about 5 things.

One last time, this doesn't mean I think the Christmas traditions that have come to make the way we celebrate Jesus birth is wrong, I just knew it was wrong for me.  I do not think it is a stumbling block for everyone, but I know what it was doing in my own heart.

Merry Christmas.  :-)

P.S.  We will still have a tree - we think they're pretty.