The Trip That Didn't Happen
I was supposed to be in Buffalo this week, but it didn't happen.
The last time I flew, I had what may have been the most stressful day of my life. With the snow and ice and delays and being stranded in Atlanta and would we make it home and all of that. I'm pretty sure I blogged about it back then. It was awful. It makes my stomach upset just to remember.
I decided this trip would be better. Everything that went wrong last time shouldn't happen this time - no ice, and even if there were thunderstorms and delays, at least we could drive in it when we landed, unlike snow and ice.
My anxiety had been building since I booked the trip, but life has been sort of crazy, so I wasn't sure it was my trip. The night before Kara and I were supposed to travel, Kara had ear pain. The doc said it wasn't an infection, but it was hurting pretty badly - probably from allergies. Overnight, she couldn't sleep because of the pain and meds didn't help. The decongestant that was supposed to help her sleep did the opposite and kept her awake. I was up with horrendous panic attacks. She and I both slept only three hours and felt absolutely wretched. I had been crying and praying all night. I tried all my tips and tricks, I kept taking more and more medicine and it didn't help a single bit.
At 6:30am, we had to start talking about what we were going to do. I needed to right myself if we were going to leave in an hour, and we needed time to decide.
After tons of tears, Kara and my friend in Buffalo assured me I wasn't a bad person or stupid if I had to cancel our trip. I was miserable - emotionally and physically.
Kara and I spent the rest of the day trying to recover from being sick. Kara's ear got worse and worse, and her cycle had her very uncomfortable. I had headaches and stomachaches from not sleeping enough. Kara and I went to a movie to cheer ourselves up, and just driving up hills here and there hurt her ear so much - I know all those planes would have had killer pain. This sounds weird, but I'm so glad we were home.
I had a nice, long three hour phone conversation with my friend and we caught up like we would have in person. Kara played Minecraft and skyped all day with her kids like we were there. It really was going to be okay.
All night long with hours of panic attacks was so hard, but canceling the trip was worse. That was so so hard.
So, Kara and I are recovering and feeling better. My dad reassured me I shouldn't feel embarrassed or badly. He said plenty of illnesses prevent people from doing things and this anxiety prevented me from flying. Even if I can't ever fly again, it's not the end of the world. After all, Michael's claustrophobia prevents him from flying ever again and he doesn't fret about it.
So, this is where I am now. Feeling silly and embarrassed, but feeling better.
(Side note: Southwest will let me reschedule and use the money I spent on future flights. Assuming I can do it next time. Unfortunately, I am out the Delta money.)
The last time I flew, I had what may have been the most stressful day of my life. With the snow and ice and delays and being stranded in Atlanta and would we make it home and all of that. I'm pretty sure I blogged about it back then. It was awful. It makes my stomach upset just to remember.
I decided this trip would be better. Everything that went wrong last time shouldn't happen this time - no ice, and even if there were thunderstorms and delays, at least we could drive in it when we landed, unlike snow and ice.
My anxiety had been building since I booked the trip, but life has been sort of crazy, so I wasn't sure it was my trip. The night before Kara and I were supposed to travel, Kara had ear pain. The doc said it wasn't an infection, but it was hurting pretty badly - probably from allergies. Overnight, she couldn't sleep because of the pain and meds didn't help. The decongestant that was supposed to help her sleep did the opposite and kept her awake. I was up with horrendous panic attacks. She and I both slept only three hours and felt absolutely wretched. I had been crying and praying all night. I tried all my tips and tricks, I kept taking more and more medicine and it didn't help a single bit.
At 6:30am, we had to start talking about what we were going to do. I needed to right myself if we were going to leave in an hour, and we needed time to decide.
After tons of tears, Kara and my friend in Buffalo assured me I wasn't a bad person or stupid if I had to cancel our trip. I was miserable - emotionally and physically.
Kara and I spent the rest of the day trying to recover from being sick. Kara's ear got worse and worse, and her cycle had her very uncomfortable. I had headaches and stomachaches from not sleeping enough. Kara and I went to a movie to cheer ourselves up, and just driving up hills here and there hurt her ear so much - I know all those planes would have had killer pain. This sounds weird, but I'm so glad we were home.
I had a nice, long three hour phone conversation with my friend and we caught up like we would have in person. Kara played Minecraft and skyped all day with her kids like we were there. It really was going to be okay.
All night long with hours of panic attacks was so hard, but canceling the trip was worse. That was so so hard.
So, Kara and I are recovering and feeling better. My dad reassured me I shouldn't feel embarrassed or badly. He said plenty of illnesses prevent people from doing things and this anxiety prevented me from flying. Even if I can't ever fly again, it's not the end of the world. After all, Michael's claustrophobia prevents him from flying ever again and he doesn't fret about it.
So, this is where I am now. Feeling silly and embarrassed, but feeling better.
(Side note: Southwest will let me reschedule and use the money I spent on future flights. Assuming I can do it next time. Unfortunately, I am out the Delta money.)
Comments