Life with a Preteen

When Michael and I felt led to start a family, I dreamed of having 2-4 girls.  I just knew in my heart boys weren't in my future.  Maybe I was just hoping for girls.  Anyway, God saw fit to give us one girl, and she is delightful.  I remember going into the gender reveal doctor appointment just knowing she was a girl, and Michael just knew the baby was a boy.  On the way home I asked if he was disappointed our baby in my belly wasn't a boy and he said immediately, "what do I want with a boy?"  :-)  I think he was dreaming of his little girl already.

When I thought of having a girl, I could clearly see her as a sweet baby swaddled in a soft blanket, I could clearly see her as a toddling smiling cutie, I could clearly see her as a school-aged two-front-teeth-missing girl in pigtails with a back pack that was way too big for her.  I never really saw beyond that though.  I mean, I guess the visions of having a girl went as far as having a little girl.

Here we are - Kara is not a little girl.  She is 5 feet 4 inches of beauty at 11 years old.  I think I never really sat and thought about the years when she would be a big girl because everyone told me the teenage years are so awful.  So I kind of dreaded these years.

I'm here to ask you, let's all agree to stop telling parents these years are awful.  Please.

Kara isn't a teenager yet, but being a preteen is definitely the training wheels version of teen years.

I love hearing her own personal take on things.  Her opinions and worldview are slightly different from mine, and she surprises me sometimes.  Whether we are dissecting a book in school, characters in a movie/show, the Bible, or friendships, she is wise beyond her years.

I don't love the hormonal shifts.  (For that matter, I don't love MY hormonal shifts.)  She has come a long way since the shifts started, but I find her getting frustrated much easier during certain weeks.  She used to cry and need to talk it out, which turned into a long snowballing, exhausting evening.  Now she is just a little short, and tries to stay in her room.

I love that while I am her mom, there is more room to be her friend too.  We have inside jokes, we like the same books and movies, and we spend a lot of time together.  I am not necessarily cool, but I haven't hit embarrassing yet.  (That may be the homeschool talking.)

I don't love the zits and frizzy hair she won't let me do anything about.  I miss the ribbons and braids.  It's time for me to help a bit, but I need to be sure I don't give her a complex about anything I suggest.  As an 11 year old, she will probably take a suggestion as criticism.

I love that she is old enough to set her own alarm in the morning, take care of her pets completely, do chores, remember to do her own homework, etc.  This big girl stuff is pretty cool.  She doesn't even need me when she is sick anymore.

I don't love that she doesn't need me as much anymore.  All the parents out there know what I mean!

I love that she has her whole future ahead of her.  She has so many natural gifts - we still don't know what she will "be when she grows up."  It's exciting.

I don't love that she won't live here forever.  Only at 11, I'm feeling how finite our years are together.

Something is shifting in our house.  Kara is more of a pal than a baby.  We are all buds.  While we still have a clear boundary between parents and child, as she grows up, we are loving this smart, witty person we get to live life with.

Michael and I both still make our relationship a priority, but we have a few less hobbies than we used to because we really like hanging out with Kara.  This quality time is precious and we are soaking it up!