Fervent Study, Part 2

This is a continuation of the last post on the Fervent study we just finished.  All of the words straight from the book are in quotes.  Priscilla says it better than I could.

3.  Your Identity
"If I were your enemy, I'd devalue your strength and magnify your insecurities until they dominate how you see yourself, disabling and disarming you from fighting back, from being free, from being who God has created you to be.  I'd work hard to ensure that you never realize what God has given you so you'll doubt the power of God within you."
Knowing who you are in Christ is powerful, and Satan hates that.  The confidence we have in God and who He designed us to be and the gifts He specifically gave us to accomplish His plan, is powerful.  Of course Satan wants us constantly in doubt about that.  Do men deal with this as much as women do?
"Satan would rather conspire to keep you in a constant state of mourning, grieving over who you wish you were, instead of relishing who you really are, exacerbated by insecurity and crippled by self-doubt."  p. 57
"We will always be subject to his attempts at devaluing us.  We'll downplay our real strength.  We'll hate our bodies, highlight our weaknesses, cringe with insecurities, and constantly view ourselves as "less than" by comparison with others.  He'll diffuse our power simply by downplaying our true position."  p. 61
"The farther he can separate your practical reality from your true, living reality, he can wedge himself into the space between the two and short-circuit the free-flowing effectiveness of your influence as a wife a mom, a friend, a daughter, a sister - all the relationships where God has placed you to be a light of His grace, His power, His love, His well-placed confidence."  p. 61  This is so true!  I confess I let low self esteem (which were lies from the devil) hold me back in the past.  Not anymore!
So how do we figure out who we are in God?  Where do we learn (and remind ourselves) what that means?  The Bible.  Staying in the Word will not only remind you of who God is and how much He loves and adores us, but who we are in Him.  I am His princess.  The daughter of the King.  I am loved enough for Jesus to die for my sins.  No matter what terrible mistakes I make, we can get through them.  I will never do enough or be enough to be worthy - but that's the best part.  There are no requirements.  Just accept it to be Truth.  It's absolutely unbelievable and incredible.  It's very simple, yet huge.  It's the Gospel.  It's the Truth.  Even Satan knows that, which is why he hates it.  He wants to make it more complicated or make us wonder how much we have to do to earn it.  He doesn't want us empowered with this amazing Grace.  He wants us disappointed to hear we are unworthy, so we'll never realize the point that we don't have to be!  It's never going to happen.  The love, the gift, is there in spite of ourselves.  And that's the real joy.
Some verses she pointed to that meant a lot to me are:
"We are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand so that we would walk in them."  Ephesians 2:10  I love this verse.  We had a whole women's retreat on this verse.  God made me.  He made me on purpose.  And He has a plan for me.  I have been made for good works.  "I'm in the Lord's army!"  (Did you ever sing that as a kid?)
"Behold, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands; your walls are continually before me."  Isaiah 49:16  God doesn't forget about us or lose touch with us.  We are always in the forefront of His mind.  Amazing.

4.  Your Family
"If I were your enemy, I'd seek to disintegrate your family and destroy every member of it.  I'd want to tear away at your trust and unity and turn everyone's love inward on themselves.  I would make sure your family didn't look anything like it's supposed to.  Because then people would look at your Christian marriage, your Christian kids, and see you're no different, no stronger than anybody else - that God, underneath it all, really doesn't change anything."
Whew.  That's a big one.  Ephesians 5:21-33 is where the Bible explains how marriage was designed to be.  It's our guidelines.  It's not easy, yet it is.  It's a very simple, wonderful design.  Then you throw in two imperfect people with imperfect pasts and this gets skewed a bit.  The key is putting God first, each other second, and everything else last.
Friends of mine have Christian fathers who cheated on their Christian mothers and ended up with divorced parents.  They will never, ever feel complete trust because of that.  Friends of mine have been verbally abused by their Christian husbands, kept under their thumbs because they "wives must submit and obey," and felt they couldn't get help because these  men were friends with their pastor and these men had them convinced the pastors they were right.  (Obviously omitting some of the truth.)
This is not okay.  And this is just what Satan wants.  This is definitely not a good witness to the world.  And why should those women who were abused by their Christian husbands and received no help from their church want to be Christians?  What a bad example!  And for their children too.  How do I help them from the outside?  It's very difficult.
Going back to putting God first, I love what the author says about how we are to constantly be in prayer so the Holy Spirit can guide us and keep us on the right path.  "Quit trying to be the Holy Spirit in your relationship, responsible for poking and prodding that husband of yours until he finally sees things the same way you see them."  p. 79  lol!  How many of us started out praying for our husbands to change and found ourselves changing?  Oh yes.  That's a rookie mistake.  While we all are married to imperfect husbands and we honestly pray for them to walk the straightest path possible, gone are the days when we pray for more flowers or something.
Here's the deal.
It took me a while to learn this.
Are you listening?
It's not our spouse's job to fulfill us.  To make us feel loved.  To build us up.  To complete us.
That goes against every book, every movie, every greeting card, everything.
It's not your kid's job, your boss's job, your best friend's job either.
But according to the Bible, it's God's job to do all of that.  My husband is extremely unaffectionate.  When I used to cry and pray for him to change, this is when God educated me.  It's not Michael's job to do that for me.  And now I look on it as a blessing because when I need a hug or sympathy or even an I love you, God has one for me every time.  If Michael was more affectionate, I might not go to God often enough for it.  See what I mean?  I'm not saying Michael is a bad guy (he's a very good guy!), but I'm saying that God gave him to me on purpose.  It was all part of His plan.  God wants me close with Him.  And that is precious to me.
Some of the Bible verses she listed that meant something to me are:
"Not paying back evil for evil or insult for insult but, on the contrary, giving a blessing, since you were called for this, so that you can inherit a blessing."  1 Peter 3:9  Ooo wee, how delicious is it to keep a record of all the things your husband did to you so you can really give them a taste of his own medicine?  It's way too easy.  Especially when Satan keeps whispering in your ear what they did wrong.  But here's the deal.  As difficult as Michael can be to live with, I am too.  And 1 Corinthians reminds me that love keeps no record of wrongs.  So, grace comes into play.  Michael is the kind of man who loves me for who I am.  He isn't trying to change me.  He isn't asking me to lose weight.  He isn't asking me to be a little less crazy.  He isn't complaining that I volunteer at the church too much and don't get his dinner on the table often enough.  No, he loves me for who I am.  And that 100% acceptance is such an awesome feeling, that it inspires me to do the same for him.  So I do.
"Let your speech always be with grace, as though seasoned with salt, so that you will know how you should respond to each person."  Colossians 4:6
"Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification according to the need of the moment, so that it will give grace to those who hear."  Ephesians 4:29
"You may not be able to control all the discord and unwise choices that occur in the various corners of your house or among the people you share a family with.  But you can make sure the only place you engage in combat is in the heavenlies, in prayer, in secret."  p. 92

Boy, I seem to get more and more wordy with each chapter.  I'll put more in another blog post.